Redoleander's Blog

Giveaway – Heavenly Acupressure Mat

Micaela — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 23:18:35 +0000

Sweeps4Bloggers is giving away a Heavenly Acupressure Mat!- Relax, Renew, Recharge!

About: For over 30 years acupressure mats have been by those suffering numerous ailments, and who wish to restore balance in their bodies. By targeting pressure points in the body, acupressure mats trigger the release of endorphins and oxytocin – which in turn can help the body by relieving pain and stress. The top reasons for using an acupressure mat are pain relief, stress relief, increased energy levels, and relaxation
Heavenly Acupressure Mats are an easy and affordable way for you to enjoy the benefits of acupressure in the comfort of your own home.

Check it out at the url below!

http://sweeps4bloggers.com/?p=22298

Sweepstakes! Yummy Chocolate Giveaway!

Micaela — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 23:00:41 +0000

Sammi’s Blog of Life is having a Tortuga Giveaway! She’s giving away Tortuga Rum Company goodies, and there are several ways to enter. The winner will receive a a moist delectable golden cake, and Tortuga Chocolate Rum Turtles with sea salt! Yummy turtle chocolates with caramel, and salt topping. Can you say YUM?

Check it out! And hurry! The giveaway ends tomorrow!

http://www.wordsearchpuzzledreams.com/2011/08/tortgua-giveaway.html

Diet Solved, For Now

Micaela — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 21:08:09 +0000

So after much debating, and putting off changing my diet, I’ve finally decided where I want to go with it. While eating “normally” these past few months, I’ve started to pay a lot more attention to what I’ve eaten, and how I feel afterward. The main thing I’ve noticed is that any day when I have a lot of wheat, or gluten, I tend not to feel as well the next day, or that night. Since the last time I tried the SCD it didn’t actually do anything for my symptoms, I just felt healthier because I was eating healthier, I figure that I don’t NEED to be on that diet. I’d like to figure out just what type of foods bother me, (if any do), and so I’m starting out with gluten.

I think one of the reasons I felt better on the SCD is because it is also gluten-free. However, there are things restricted on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet that I just feel like I’ve never had a problem with, like potatoes, milk, sugar. I know that by going on a gluten-free diet, my diet will be restrictive, but it will still be a lot easier than the SCD was. And maybe if being gluten-free doesn’t help enough, I’ll take out more things until I find a good balance.

One thing I like about being gluten free as opposed to the SCD is how much easier it’s becoming to be gluten-free. When I went to restaurants while on the SCD I could always ask for gluten-free menus, or whether an item was gluten-free. More and more grocery items are labeling themselves as gluten-free (although they can’t always be trusted, due the fact that they can have small amounts of gluten, and still be “gluten-free”, it’s still a step in the right direction.) Some restaurants are even labeling stuff as gluten free on their normal menus. And I’ve even found gluten-free bakeries! So, I just feel like this will be a much easier diet to follow for a long period of time, and I think it will be helpful.

I’m also probably going to cut out corn and soy products as much as possible. Corn and soy have such a strong correlation to Crohn’s disease, that I’m sure they affect me as well. Nearly every diet, and all research I’ve looked up relating to diet and Crohn’s disease ALL remove soy and corn from the diet, and most do the same with gluten as well.

So, we’ll see how this works. I’m glad to be starting it, and finally making a decision as far as that is concerned. I feel like in other areas of my life, I’m doing quite well at being healthy, such as exercising nearly every day, and now I can say that I’m being healthy through my diet as well.

As far as the rest of my life goes, I’ve been busy with school. I had my first final today, and I have my last one Thursday. Spring break is coming up, and after next quarter I’ll be done! It’s crazy how quickly it’s all going by!

Thesis!

Micaela — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 00:01:14 +0000

I’m finally starting to really think about my thesis. It’s funny, because I was terrified of trying to come up with a topic, but suddenly one day it just came to me! I knew that I wanted to do something related to the medical field, but I didn’t know quite what. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought about chronic illness. Then I realized how frustrated I got in my disability studies course, when it was all so focused on physical disability, like people who use wheelchairs, or are blind, and never focused on mental disability, or chronic illness, yet they always acted like these views were the views shared by all who can be considered “disabled.” I remember getting really annoyed, specifically when learning how the “disabled community” didn’t want assisted suicide, because it leaves room for the possibility that soon people who’ve been paralyzed, or somehow physical crippled in an accident to opt for assisted suicide, rather than live with their new disability. So because of that, they didn’t want assisted suicide at all, and thought it was a horrible thing. And that got me pretty mad. Hello?? It’s designed for people who are terminally ill, a physical disability doesn’t even qualify. It’s for people dying of cancer, or other diseases, so they can end their life on their terms, rather than living in horrible pain. How could they not even take that into consideration?

So, after thinking about all of this, I decided I want to write about disability, but through the eyes of those with chronic illness, those who experience pain daily. Disability studies teaches how the medical model of disability is wrong, that it’s wrong to say what’s normal, and what isn’t. However, I think that people with chronic illness would feel different. I think most view their disease as truly being abnormal, and that this model is justified to try and find a cure. I think that they look at medicine in a more positive light, as doing more good than harm. And then as far as disability as a social movement goes, chronic illness doesn’t even factor into it. I could get fired from a job for having to go to the bathroom too often, and I wouldn’t be protected under the Americans With Disabilities Act, because technically I don’t have a disability. So I think writing something about disability, through this point of view, is not only much needed in the field, but would also just be very interesting. I want to see if my point of view on how most people with chronic illness think is even true.

I plan to interview people with chronic illnesses. See how they feel about disability, if they consider themselves disabled. If they see the medical model as making them feel like something is wrong with them as a person, rather than just pointing out problems associated with the body. If they feel like they’re not represented in the social movement. If they think they should be cured, or want to be. If they rate their quality of life lower, etc., etc.

I finally got my thesis advisor yesterday, and I’m very excited. It is one of my favorite professors, and I first learned about disability studies through him. He’s probably the first one that got me thinking about these things, because he pointed out how limited the field is, and how they often ignore the physical pain of being disabled. When I Emailed him asking to be my advisor, and told him what I wanted to write about, he was excited, and thought it was an excellent topic because of the lack of discourse from this point of view.

Now I just have to decide how I want to put it all together. But I think I’ll work it out just fine, and I’m actually excited! And after I write my thesis I’ll be done with undergrad! Yay!!

Internet Usage and Random Positivity Boosters

Micaela — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 22:31:41 +0000

I’ve been taking a look at my internet usage lately. I have various sites I like to visit, particularly in the morning when I’m just waking up, or others that I stumble upon, and I’ve been deciding whether any of these are actually helpful, or a little bit harmful. For example, I like to go to fail blog, fail book, regretsy, etc. I find most of them to be pretty harmless, just pointing out funny things that people say, or have done, or their art that some can find pretty funny. But sometimes, I think it crosses the line. Like, when they’re making fun of people. Or on sites like, after 12, where they post pictures they’ve taken of people when they’re very drunk, or passed out. And I just wonder, first of all, why that’s okay, and second, why it’s supposed to be funny. Yet, I have inevitably found myself clicking on it at some point, to see what it was. Or sites like Fmylife, where all people do is complain about how terrible their day was. Sometimes it’s funny, but other times I just end up thinking it’s a bit obnoxious.

So, I have now started to look only at websites which I actually find funny, that aren’t funny by demeaning people, or making fun of them. And it’s crazy how well it’s been working. I’ve been going to LOLcats, and looking at adorable cats doing funny things, or their various other websites, which have adorable animals. I’ve been looking at Win! Instead of Fail, and I think it’s a much better way to start my day off. It leaves me feeling a lot happier, which in turn makes it a lot easier for me to be positive throughout the day.

It is through my new internet surfing that I have found so many random things that make me smile, or that I didn’t know existed, like white peacocks! And I don’t spend my time annoyed that they’re making fun of ugly or fat people, or poor people, etc. I believe it was Shii who said a little while ago that she felt like too much of the internet is spent making fun of people, and I think that’s true! And I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.

Besides changing my internet surfing, I’ve also been doing random things which end up making for a more positive me. Aside from simply trying to think positively, I like having pretty things around, or something nice to smell. It’s a nice way to get my brain back in gear. Like, if I’m spiraling into negativity, I can smell some nice lotion, or look at my pretty glittery lava lamp, and it’s like it resets my brain. I go, awee that’s so pretty, or it smells so nice, and I just start thinking about positive things again. I’m going to have to see if I can find something to put in my purse like that, so whenever I get a random rude customer at work, or experience the work drama, I can focus on a happy sweet smell, and then get over all the stupid thoughts in my head. Although I like that this works, and I know it’s helping me on my path to think positively ALL the time, it’s kind of sad that I need something like that. I just can’t believe we’re programmed so strongly like this.

Well, speaking of adorable things that make me happy, my boyfriend got me an adorable hello kitty balloon as an early Valentine’s Day present. He was shopping, and saw it, and said he couldn’t NOT get it for me. Well this cute, little adorable thing has become my cat’s, Pippin’s mortal enemy. For the first night when my boyfriend brought it home, Pippin ran under the couch, and wouldn’t come out. When he finally came out, he came out only to run into the bedroom, under the bed. We even tried to lure him out with tuna, his absolute favorite food, that he would normally kill someone for. I put small pieces of it in a line to try and get him into the living room. He ate the first little bit of tuna, which made him step out into the doorway, looked over at the balloon, and forgot all about all the other tuna there was to eat, and ran back into the bedroom, and crawled under the bed. It’s ridiculous! We finally had to put my adorable balloon in the bathroom, and keep the door shut so that Pippin would finally come out. How can a cat be scared of something so adorable??

Pain

Micaela — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 20:03:01 +0000

As I continue my journey, trying to be positive and live in the moment, I find that I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to pain. I can be positive about my pain, and try to think about it getting better, but I don’t know how to try to live in the moment when it is occurring, and boy, does it happen often.

I experience a lot of pain daily, probably a lot more than most people. I’m not going to state these things to complain, but rather just to list them, because despite the fact that I’d like them to get better, they still exist, and happen everyday. Every morning I wake up nauseous, and after a few moments of being up, I normally experience abdominal cramps and pain. Sometimes they’re so bad it brings tears to my eyes. Those pass once I’m able to go to the bathroom, but come back any time I have to use the bathroom again and continue throughout the day. This has become pretty routine, and I’m at the point where I can be in horrible pain, even around friends or family, and not even show it. I’m not sure if this is necessarily a good thing. As night time approaches, I almost always feel bloated. I describe it as a feeling like my intestines are going to burst. It normally continues until I can fall asleep.

I feel like I’ve gotten used to the pain as much as I can, but it still exists, and it still hurts, and I only have a certain time span during the day when I don’t experience Crohn’s pain. Now, other pain, like my back pain (which doctors tell me is arthritis related to my Crohn’s disease), is pretty much persistent all day long, unless I’m laying down in a particularly comfortable position. Sometimes my lower back hurts a lot, and I hardly want to move. Sometimes it’s just a dull ache, that can be annoying, but easily forgotten about if I put my mind elsewhere.

I think that’s the key phrase though, putting my mind elsewhere. If I don’t live in the moment, and feel my body as it is, and experience those feelings, then it’s better. If I start thinking about something random, or busy my mind with something else, then I don’t have to think about the pain.

It’s strange really, because intense pain MAKES me live in the moment, but dull nausea, or back aches make me want to NOT live in the moment.

Perhaps I can live in the moment, through intentionally thinking about other things, or doing other things to ignore the pain? As long as the thoughts are intentional, then it’s still living in the moment, right? As long as I’m intentionally thinking about a topic, or doing some other activity, I can still be living in the moment. Denying the pain occurring doesn’t change that, does it?

I feel like the pain often stops me from meditating properly as well. It’s hard to clear your mind, and focus on your breathing, and in essence, your body, when you’re in pain. I feel like I often can’t get to a good mental state, because of bodily functions, or because I can’t find any spot that’s comfortable for my back. I wonder how other people like me do it.

I don’t even know if I’m dealing with my pain in the “right” way. But I don’t really know how else to deal with it. I just keep hoping, and visualizing a day when I won’t have to deal with it anymore. Hopefully it’ll be soon.

Broken Resolution

Micaela — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 23:28:23 +0000

As you have probably guessed from the picture, I had a drink! Or two! I blame my boyfriend, who kept wanting to. Although I wanted to not drink for 6 months, I can’t say this was the first time I’ve been tempted. It’s definitely hard to go to a bar for karaoke with your friends, and not want to have a drink with them. It’s not even that I think drinking is bad, or anything, I’m just disappointed that I didn’t just stick it through.

I certainly know I’m not an alcoholic or anything like that. Alcohol is my drug of choice though. When I want to wind down, I like having a drink, and so do lots of other people. It’s not illegal, and again, I don’t really think it’s bad. Before this resolution, I never drank all that frequently. Once a week at most, and most of the time it was when we went to karaoke that I drank. But I do wonder why I have a need to use some sort of substance to wind down.

I’ve found that since working where I’m working, this “need” to wind down with some sort of substance has increased. The work is so boring, draining, and stressful at the same time, that once I get home, I like to be able to relax completely. This has been my major downfall with this resolution. Although I’m able to relax by just watching TV, or what not, having a drink or two, just makes it even better.

Is that necessarily a bad thing though? I feel like if I use a drug TOO frequently, like more than once, or twice a week, that it’s a bad thing. Have I been taught that’s bad, or do I really believe that? “Drugs are bad, mmkay.” We’ve all heard that, and were taught to believe it, yet isn’t there a reason why we use them? And as long as it’s not truly harming you, is there anything wrong with it?

I guess I just don’t like that I sometimes rely on other substances to make me feel a way that I think I should be able to feel like on my own. And I probably can, it will just take some more time, and effort.

I feel like I want to continue my resolution, but not by just abstaining from that need to feel relaxed, or slightly freed, but by finding ways to do it without alcohol, or other drugs.

From now on, instead of drinking, or anything else, I should exercise, or meditate, or any other suggestions anyone has. (hint, hint ) Again, I don’t think that I’m going to go my whole life without drinking, I just think that I should be able to relax better in other ways. And maybe in trying my resolution this way, it will be easier to stick to it. I hope.

Affirmation

Micaela — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 09:10:34 +0000

(Sorry for the redirection. I hate youtube ) I have a list of songs that I like to listen to that are nice, and positive. This one is “Affirmation” by Savage Garden. I’ve been listening to this song since I was little, and I love it because I pretty much believe in all the same things, and I think the song is really sweet. It always makes me feel better Lyrics after the bump.

Affirmation- Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone

Chorus:
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love until you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye

I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

Chorus

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

Chorus

Sick & Resolutions

Micaela — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 20:12:58 +0000

So, I haven’t written in a little while, despite the fact that my boyfriend got a laptop and now I have my own to myself again, yay! It’s mostly been because I’ve been sick, as well as just busy with school. I seem to get sick at the beginning of the quarter fairly often, stupid germy students!

As far as resolutions go, I think I’ve been doing fairly well in all, except the diet. We still haven’t started our diet. I’m beginning to wonder if maybe it’s because my boyfriend doesn’t actually want to go on it, but he insists each time I ask that he really does. The problem is that his tabs are expired, and his car failed emissions (although I don’t know how, considering that my old car, which had a lot of problems, always passed, so it doesn’t make any sense), so he needs to get it fixed. Well, with this check he bought a laptop instead of getting his car fixed. :-\ So, until he gets it fixed, he doesn’t want to have to drive very far, like to WinCo, or any store that will have cheap meat in bulk. And I don’t feel like spending a fortune on meat, so I just keep waiting. Hopefully soon he’ll have his car fixed, and all will be well. It’s still only January, so I have time.

As far as exercising goes, we got an elliptical! I love it. I seriously forgot how much I love, and need, vigorous exercise. Walking around campus, doing Wii fit, it was never enough for me, but I didn’t feel comfortable jump roping or doing anything like that since I live on the 4th floor. And my boyfriend and I tried running, but it made my back and knees hurt WAY too badly. And I never wanted to walk half an hour each way to the gym. So, now I can get vigorous cardio without annoying my neighbors, and without messing up my back and knees, and without having to take three hours to do it. I love it. It just really does make me feel better. I also got some lightweight dumbbells to do some sculpting as well, which I can tell is working, because I’ve been sore almost every day.

My only problem is that now I’m sick. I tried exercising the first day I was sick, and I felt great right afterward, but as soon as the adrenaline ran out, I felt even worse, and regretted having done it. So, I think I’m just going to wait until after my sickness is gone, and then I’ll start it up again.

And as for being positive, I feel like I’ve been making really good steps towards it. I’m not completely there, because my brain is so wired to be so critical of myself, but I feel like I’m doing a lot better. Ever since writing my last post, I feel a lot better about my body, through the help of Shii especially . And I’m starting to get over the crazy thoughts in my head. Shii suggested a body positive get together, and I hope we end up doing it.

My one problem with the resolutions has been procrastinating. I haven’t been bad yet, as I’ve been doing other things when I really don’t have anything to do, but I can see it getting bad. My boyfriend plays World of Warcraft, and I finally decided to give it a try. Well. . . I have to say that after bitching about how I wouldn’t like it, I actually do like it! Although, I can see myself possibly getting bored with it, for now, it’s been quite a bit of fun, and rather addicting. Just what I needed, right? At least this is something that I can do with my boyfriend, and possibly my friends, so maybe it’s not too terribly bad.

Well, that’s about all for today. I thankfully don’t have to work or anything today, so I just get to relax, and hopefully my illness will be gone by tomorrow!

Body Issues

Micaela — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 20:57:13 +0000

In trying to think positively, and live in the moment, I’ve found that my thoughts constantly revert back to worrying about how people see me, and about my body issues. I have so many things I don’t like about my body, and yet, lots of it stems from how I think people perceive me. I feel like I really need to “talk” through this before I can start forcing my mind toward the positive thoughts, as opposed to these ones.

Some of my friends are having a girl’s night on Friday, and I hardly feel comfortable going. Despite trying to think positively, I find myself feeling like I’m too fat to fit in. They want to go to a club with a mechanical bull, and a place where you can dance on the bar top. I remember last time feeling like I was too fat to be able to partake in those activities. Who would want to have to look at me on the top of the bar? Who would want to see me riding a bull? They’d probably puke. They talked on the thread about wearing short skirts, whereas I’d rather just wear a big potato sack that extends from my neck to my toes.

Now, some of this has to do with how I feel about my own body, but I find a lot of it has to do with how I think people perceive me. I’ve heard so many times that “fat girls shouldn’t wear skinny jeans” or whatever else we shouldn’t wear, and so I feel like I really can’t wear those things. Or that if I do, people will be looking at me, and thinking ‘ew, why is she wearing that?’ Am I just being crazy? At times, I think I am, but at other times, I don’t think I am. There’s so much fat hate, especially towards women, and I don’t feel like being the target of it. Even on my best days, where I’m completely fine with how I look, if I go out in public, I worry about how people will see me. When I do karaoke, I worry that all they’ll see is a fat girl, and they won’t even listen to my voice. Or, I worry that if I do certain songs (like I was terrified of doing “I Kissed a Girl”) that people will think it’s gross, because I’m fat, and they’d rather have some hot girl singing it.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know what’s in my head, and what’s reality. And even if this is reality, even if people will be grossed out, why do I care??

I figure that I should figure out what I don’t like about my body, and that I can separate out the things I can do stuff about, and can be used constructively, and the things I can’t do anything about, and need to stop worrying or thinking about.

Things I Dislike About My Body

1. I dislike my overall fatness at the moment. I’ve never been this fat in my life, and it makes me sad.

2. I dislike my large legs. I don’t even necessarily mean they’re fat (which they are at the moment), but even when they’ve been nothing but muscle, like during water polo season, they’re still huge. And with legs, muscly legs look hardly any different than fat ones, and it’s very annoying.

3. I don’t like that my body builds muscle so easily, and loses weight so slowly. This would be a good thing if I wanted to be a bodybuilder, but since I want the typical hollywood extremely lean figure, it’s no good. Whenever in the past, I’ve lost fat, I’ve also gained muscle. Hence my huge tree trunk legs, or even my arms, rather than getting slender, will either stay the same size, but be muscly, or will get even bigger. I’ll never forget when I started the swim team in 9th grade. After about a month of being on it, I weighed myself again. I had been 160 before swimming, and afterward. . . I was 167! I’d gained 7 lbs. Damn my ability to build muscle!!

4. I don’t like my arms, and as mentioned above, whenever I’ve done something about that, they often get larger rather than smaller.

5. I don’t like how rounded my hips are. I’m a product of hollywood photoshop, I guess, because I feel like a woman’s hips shouldn’t be as round as mine are. I’m reminded of the images of Jessica Alba’s before and after photoshopped:
And when I see this, I think how much better her hips look on the photo on the right, because they’re not SO round, they’re more subtle. They’re like this:
\ / as opposed to this ( ) I want to be /’s, not )’s
/ \ ( )

6. I don’t like how easily my body gets stretch marks. It’s ridiculous. I’ve had them ever since I was 12 years old. There’s never been a time when I gained a lot of weight suddenly, I’ve always gained weight fairly gradually, yet somehow I still get them EVERYWHERE. I’ve gotten them on my thighs, hips, breasts, upper arms, stomach. . . everywhere. And it seems like the minute I gain one pound, even if it’s over the span of an entire month, I’ll have a new one. This seems to be the case with my entire family, so I suppose it’s genetic. I can’t imagine what my body would be like if I had children.

I suppose that’s it. There are lots of minor things that I’d like to change, but these are the biggest ones.

I figure that for losing weight, I’ll try to focus on more cardio, and very little weight training. This is the only way I can see myself being able to lose the inches I’d like. I also have to start realizing that because of my disease, I can’t exercise like I used to, the way I’d like to. I’ll have to start slower, and just see what my body can take. But, I have to make sure not to get discouraged. I’d rather be healthy than thin.

I think that as far as my hips go, maybe I’m just being silly? I’ve really always felt this way, and have a hard time seeing it any other way. I figure that once I lose weight, maybe it will help me like them a little better, although I figure they’ll probably always be round.

And as far as stretch marks go, there really isn’t anything I can do about that. I’m lucky enough that I’m so pale, that when they fade, you can’t really see them. I suppose until they invent something that actually works to remove them, then I’m stuck with them.

And in the meantime, I should try to stop caring what people think. This one is a lot harder to do. I feel like people can tell me all they want that they don’t care that I’m fat, but we as people do care when people are fat. If any of “you” were as fat as I am, you would hate it. If you weren’t my friend, and you hadn’t seen me since high school, you’d talk about how fat I’d gotten. Isn’t that just a fact? How can I deny that? Yet then again, why do I care so much? I really can’t answer that question.

So I suppose this is to be continued!